i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
