About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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