My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
