When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You may now shotgun with the bride
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
