The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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