I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
