i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
