did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
