you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
