I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
being pregnant is like rehab
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
