She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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