apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
