I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
