I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
