I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize