we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
