My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
