I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
