Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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