I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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