She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
