its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
