I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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