dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
