i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
