dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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