i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
