ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
