he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize