nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize