Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
