you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
