The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
