I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
