I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
