i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
