I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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