You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
