Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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