Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
