I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize