R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
