I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
