The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
