my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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