i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
