Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
