i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
