It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize