he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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