I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
