I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
