I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
