Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
