if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
