Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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