to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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