Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Randomize
