u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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