if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
is wine microwaveable?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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