I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
