And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
