dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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