you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize