He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
