Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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