I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
40s are totally the cure
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize