Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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