Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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