my phone needs a breathalizer
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
