ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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