They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
